A New Chapter In Life

Well for those of you who know me really well, you know that Mark and I have been struggling for quite a few years. I was determined not to give up. I was determined that Mark would wake up one day and realize how important his family was to him and how much we deserved to be treated with respect. Unfortunately, I had to make a very difficult decision to do what was not only best for me but for my children. He has been back in Arkansas for about two weeks now and I must admit I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a peace in my soul that I havent felt for years. I feel more like myself as each day passes. Was I secretly hoping that this would make him yearn for me and the boys more than something else and we would once again go back to a happy complete family? Oh yes I was...When we married 6 1/2 years ago, it was the happiest day of my life, with the other two to follow (the births of my children). But unfortunately, I had to realize that I deserved more and so do my children. They love their daddy and I dont want that to ever change. But I also want them to grow up to be strong Christian men who treat a woman with respect and love. I want them to be the head of their household and love their wives. I want them to put God first, their wives second, and their children third.
The funny thing is when people find out, they tend to act like I should be depressed, angry, withdrawn, sad, etc. I guess over the past 4 years I have been through those emotions. I have hated life. I have blamed myself and thought I wasnt good enough. I have felt depressed and not stopped crying. Now I am ready to live. I am ready to enjoy every moment with my kids and make a lasting impression on their lives because I dont know how long I have with them, no one does. I am ready to embrace any challenge that comes my way, lead by MY GOD! Will there be days that are harder than others, yes. Will I experience some of the above emotions again, yes. But I am ready. I am ready for whatever path God takes me down. It is time for me to stop backing down and cowering to the one person that was supposed to be partner for life. I will no longer allow his anger and actions to control me. I have been controlled for too long. I am not looking for anyone else in my life right now because all I need are My God and my kids. With His protective armor around me, I can overcome anything. I will not be defeated. So if you see me, don't get that pity look at your face that says you feel sorry for me. Smile because you know that with each breath I take, I am shedding the burdon I have carried for way too long.

Gods Love Like A Childs

So my 3 year old awoke in the middle of the night last night. All parents have been through this. As you are sleeping away, you are suddenly awoken by noise that will make your heart ache...the ache of a child hurting or scared. They may be laying in bed scared to move or wondering in the darkness to your room. As you gently take them into your arms, calm their fears, and tuck them under your arm suddenly their little world gets better. They feel safe and secure. They feel like you can protect them from any monsters in the night or high fever or whatever has startled them in the dark. Most of the time, they quickly fall back asleep feeling safe and secure in the arms of someone who loves them.

As I was laying there holding Ryan, I start thinking about how similar this is to the way God takes care of us. In any of our lives, we are at some point woken up with "monsters" in our sleep or lives. We feel scared and anxious. We feel alone and not sure where to turn (in the dark). It is this very time when God gently whispers "Come to me." He wants to comfort us and hold us. He wants to wrap us in His arms and make us feel secure. If we will let Him do this, our fears will be relieved, our hope restored, and our security restored. I'm not saying that the problems immediately disappear because it is not in our time when we want something that things are done. But just like the child who is sick, the "illness" will run its course in His time but we must be comforted and secured in His arms to get to that place.

I am so glad that God wraps me in His arms when I need Him. I am glad He never gives up on me. As a mother to a child, He wraps His arms and presence around my life and provides me with peace to endure every storm. He comforts me in the night and secures me like no one else. What an awesome God we serve!

A New Me!!!

Okay. So it has been a long time since I had time to sit down and blog. As I feel like I say alot, lots of things have been going on! The new job is great. We have found a new church called Life Church. It is a non-denominational church that we were invited to at a soccer practice. As soon as I walked in I could feel the presence of God and knew we had found our new church. The boys came out and ask if they could come back so I knew that was where we would start going. Andy is playing soccer and loving it! Ryan is a little jealous but has been helped by the promise of tee ball in May. He did try to convince the coach that he was 4 and big enough to play soccer though. Monday they start preschool and they are excited to "make some new friends". As for me, I have decided to get back into shape. After the past few years of everything, I had let myself get to a point of unhappiness so the new workout has begun. A friend told me about a program called Marathon Makeover which is supposed to help you train to run a marathon. Thought it sounded neat so I have signed up (although I signed up for the 10 week, 5K training as the marathon training was 40 weeks and started in Jan!). I have started working out by swimming and walking. Training begins next week for the 5K. My goal is to lose weight the healthy way which is something I have never done before! If you read my blog or know me well, you realize that I have struggled with losing weight the entirely wrong way. This time around I am doing it the right way! I have lost about 15 pounds over the past few months and have set a goal to lose about 40 pounds all together (yes this is my LONG term goal!). I am eating healthier too. I think this will have a great impact on not only me but also it teaching my children to take care of their bodies which is something I want them to learn at an early age and carry into the rest of their lives. I will try to keep updated more on my progression. I have never been a runner but really looking forward to achieving this goal. June 16 is the date of the race that I am aiming for so encouragement is welcome!

Changes...

Wow! Alot has been going on in our lives these days. We are finally settling in to our new home in Ellisville, MS. Things are going well at the new job. I forgot how nice it was to work in an environment where everything was not stressful. Yes, it is challenging but I dont feel completely drained when I get home which is wonderful! The boys are settling in nicely. They love the hardwood floors at the new house (mainly bc they can slide across it which makes them happy). It is odd in a way being back though. You somewhat forget how many things change when you leave for 9 years. When I left here, I was a little girl in many ways. Still trying to figure me out. It has brought back some old thoughts of how much I have grown and changed over the years. You see when I left here, I was not happy with myself. I tried to be who everyone wanted me to be rather than just accepting who I was. The roads are filled with memories, some good and some not so good. But in the end they all made me who I am today. I cant say that I would change any of them because I wouldnt be me without them. But it has brought some perspective to where I have been, where I am now, and where I want to be in the future. Everyday is a new challenge. And I am ready to take on those challenges...whatever they may be.

2010

Feel like I havent blogged in a while but there has been a lot going on in my crazy life! You see I am in the middle of some pretty big changes. After living in this area for the past almost 8 years, I have received an opportunity to move back closer to home. Not only is it closer, but it is the job that I have been working for over the past few years. I am excited and saddened as I write this because I know that I have grown so much over the past 9 years. Who I was when I came here is a different person than I am getting ready to leave. I also have been reflecting over the past year. 2009 was a very trying year. I have faced many trials during it. I have also had many wonderful situations like watching my two little boys grow a year older and start developing personalities and being more devoted to my spiritual growth through reading and meditating on His Word. Are things better - not necessarily but I praise God for providing for me what I needed and I know He will continue. See it was a year where when I felt broken, He fixed me. When I felt alone, He stood by my side. When I felt weak, He gave me strength. And so much more! Our God is definitely a God that will provide for us when we needed it so looking back on 2009, that is what I learned. I learned to trust in Him and faith more than I ever thought I could. I learned what amazing friends I have in life (friends that He brought into my life) who prayed, hugged, and stood by me (and still are) when I felt like I was all alone. How amazing is it that even when we go through a year of not so great times, He uses it for His good.

Moving forward in 2010, I know that no matter what occurs, He is with me and that makes anything endurable.

"You, Lord, are the light that keeps me safe. I am not afraid of anyone. You protect me, and I have no fears." Psalm 27:1

Realizing What We Show

It has been a long but great week for me! I went down to MS and got a chance to visit my mom and some really good friends. They are those friends who have seen me at my worst and my best, who just listen without judging, who will stand by me through anything. I love them SO SO much and I needed this time with them. When I got back into town I had committed to working at the country club that I used to work at full time. So tired, I went into work Sat. night. My "manager" there happens to be another one of those friends that I just love to talk to and spend time with. We dont see each other much anymore, except when I work so all the times are special. We sit around after letting everyone else go and just talk. Talk about struggles and happy times. She is going to be undergoing surgery on Dec. 30 (please pray!) so we discussed her feelings of late and then we discussed mine. She made a comment to me that I looked better than I had in 2 years. WOW and thanks! I think the main reason is that I am ready to make some life altering decisions. Decisions that will affect my kids, my husband, and myself. But the main reason I think she noticed this change is because I am not afraid anymore. I know I am strong enough to get through anything with MY GOD by my side. Placing my path in His hands and being honest about things. You see, I have always felt like I had to settle for things (and yes sometimes we do - we cant get everything) but I am talking about the BIG things. Feeling respected, secure, loved, appreciated. I am talking about finding myself again when I feel like myself has been lost the past few years. Coming out of hiding might be a good way to put it. I feel God working in my heart and I know I am strong enough to endure any battle and climb any mountain. Just knowing all of this has given me a new strength. Getting lost in His Word has filled me up. The void that I have felt for so long has been consumed with His love and desires for me. And I am going to follow those desires regardless of what others think. Thank you My God for being my all - my strength, my love, my rock, and my fortress along with so many other things. Though the road may be long, all things are possible with God as the King of my life!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs ch.3 v.5-6

This Moment...

Well..okay. I keep feeling the nudge so I might as well answer. Right? I am a self proclaimed "fixer" of things but I guess God is telling me to let it go. You see for the past few years I have been married to an alcoholic. I want to do what is right but I am tired. I am tired of going to work day in and day out and worrying about my kids. I am tired of being told I am not worth anything and I will never achieve anything. I love my kids more than anything and a friend brought it in to prospective. I am staying in my marriage for my kids, not for me. If the threat doesnt change him or make him want to change, then what else is there? I feel like I deserve better and my kids deserve better. I am tired of feeling taken advantage of. I am tired of going to work worrying about my kids well being. I am just plain tired. At what point do you realize that you cant change a person and if they arent willing to change then you have to? Feeling confused, bitter, overwhelmed, and every other emotion you can imagine. Thanks for letting me vent.

One of Those Moments...

Tonight my youngest child Ryan gave me one of those moments that made my walk with God so special. Ryan is 3 and my very active child. Anyone who knows him knows that he can be very strong willed and adorable all at the same time. He definitely keeps me on my toes to say the least! He has been going into service on Sunday nights with me for a few months now due to me not be comfortable leaving my children at home when I am not around. For a long time, I didn't attend services at night because it seemed easier. Easier to pretend everything was fine at home and we were just spending quality time as a family together although this was far from the truth. Sundays are difficult days. Each Sunday I get up and get the boys ready for church and then pray that we will come home to peace. Most of the time it is the opposite. Sometimes it is "okay" for me to go and other times it is a battle. However, I made the decision that I was not going to let it affect my walk with God and my love for being around my Christian friends. I made the decision that if my husband would not be the spiritual leader of our family, I would. Sadly, this in not the way I envisioned things when we were married but it is my life.

But back to Ryan and service tonight. You see tonight I saw how much our actions as adults can affect our kids. Both my children show compassion for others that can teach me something. They love everybody. They can be upset one minute and the next hugging the same person and saying "I love you" to them. Tonight during an alter call and prayer time, my little 3 year old reached out his hand like he was praising God! Wow! Talk about showing me how much kids watch us as adults. To some this might be such a small thing, but to me it was a joyous thing to witness because my heart skipped a beat and pride filled me to see what my love can show my children. How much more powerful is the love that God shows us as His children. If I can have that much pride in my son for a small notion, how much more pride can My Savior have in us when we follow His truths? Children are miracles and we as children of God are miracles. Each of us has a special reason for being here. I am so blessed by the power of My God. And my 3 year old helped remind me of that tonight...

Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

A little thing called Faith

Faith. This small little word has such a huge impact on my life. You see when I was younger, I struggled with having faith in anything. I honestly thought this world was totally against me which caused as I mentioned before, alot of turmoil and selfharm to me personally. I am so thankful that I no longer live that way. See I know that regardless of what happens in my lifetime, My God will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that if I have faith, not for my will but for His, there is nothing I can encounter that will break me. I also believe that our faith is and will be constantly tested. I want to share one of the first "test" I endured after coming back to My Savior...

Mark and I married in February of 2004. One of my biggest desires as a wife was to one day become a mother. I have always loved children and I wanted nothing more than to have our own. However, when I was 16 years old a doctor told me that I would probably never have children and another doctor said the same when I was 19. So Mark and I were on the 5 year plan - no kids in 5 years and we would see about adoption. I was fine with this and we happily went about our married lives.

Then 6 months after we were married, we found out that I was pregnant! Yeah! I was overjoyed! I couldn't wait to hold our baby in my arms. But the complications quickly came. By 10 weeks I was so sick that I was put on medicine until 19 weeks. Then the contracts started. I was only 24 weeks along at the time. More medicine and things settled down. Until one day when I was driving home from work (26 weeks) and got rearended by a teenager who I found myself calming down afterwards when she realized I was pregnant! After going to the hospital, my contractions were 2 minutes apart. Bedrest began with around the clock medicine. Every week the doctor would say "Lets make it one more week!" I prayed and prayed that He would allow me to carry Andy for as long as I could and He did. The next 10 weeks were a roller coaster ride, filled with medicine every 3 hours, doctors appts, and prayers! At 36 weeks, my water broke and it was decided Andy was ready to arrive. 24 hours later an emergency csection was performed and my handsome little Andy was born! At first the doctors just said he needed to be observed. He was born at 3:51 am in the morning and my mom was there so I told Mark to go home to take a shower and get some rest. By 6 am, the situation had changed. Doctors were coming in telling me they were airlifting my son to Memphis and doped up on drugs I had no clue what they were talking about! I remember I kept saying "what do you mean? I havent held him yet?" over and over again. I frantically called Mark who picked up his mom and rushed back to the hospital, just in time to see Andy covered in tubes and hoses whisked away to the awaiting helicoptor. I told Mark to go to Memphis and I layed waiting in the hospital, having no idea what was going on. It was one of those moments that I knew, the only thing I could do was pray. This was completely out of my control. It seemed like hours before I got a report back. Things didnt look good was what I was told. I remember people coming and going but I mainly remember praying. At one point, I was praying about not even really knowing what my baby looked like since I couldnt see him through all the tubes when they wheeled him by my bedside and I remember weeping during this time. Then I remember a nurse coming into the room with 2 little pictures of my Andy. She had taken them right after he was brought for observation and before they had to incubate him. My first good glimpse of my baby. Then a nurse from Memphis called just to tell me about how adorable his little red cowlick was (yes he had red hair when he was born prior to them having to shave most of it off!). These are the memories I want to remember more than anything that day. The next 2 months were definitely a rollercoaster ride with good days and bad but...Now my little Andy is 4 years old and you would never guess he has ever struggled for a single breath in his life because he is full of life!

Some people would have questioned why this happened. Some would have been angry. Had it not been for my faith, I would have been. Had this happened when I was younger, that is exactly how I would have reacted. However, I remember praying "God. Thank you for blessing me with this beautiful little boy that I have always dreamed of having, I hope to have more time with him but it is Your will. I know that You have a plan and I have faith in You."

This is just one test of faith I have endured. As those who know me realize, my Ryan had complications as well and we are still praying for a healing of his heart but more about that one later! I am just so thankful for My God's love!

2 Corinthians 5:7

"For we walk by faith, not by sight"

Rain - How I Describe It

Rain - it is something that for some reason has so much meaning to it which is how I came up with the name of my blog. There are different kinds of rain but in the end a beautiful rainbow appears and the skies brighten. Life is much like this in my opinion. You see we all go through different things in our lives, good times and bad but each day presents itself new just like no rain shower is the exact same. Sometimes the rain comes in a fine mist, leaving us a little damp but not enough to effect us too much. In life, we encounter different things that play the same role. Money is a little tighter than we would like, a friend doesnt call when we expect it, a trip gets canceled that we were looking forward to. Things of this nature pass quickly and usually dont leave a large mark in our minds or hearts. Then there are the sudden showers. The ones that come about suddenly without warning. A child wakes sick in the middle of the night or the car breaks down when we are running late. Something that throws us off our our plans but we adjust. Then there are the downpours - the ones that seem to keep going and going. It seems like one bad thing after another occurs with no end in sight. Everything appears dark and dreary. These are the toughest to get through, especially if you are not leaning on Our Savior. I have encountered all of these times of "showers" in my lifetime and expect to encounter all of them again at some point. However, how we make it through these different times is what shows our character. It is easy to give up in the downpour, to lose hope, to feel like nothing matters anymore. It is much harder to stand and say "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psalm 27:14)" However, as Christians this is exactly what we must do. We must endure the storms of life because we know that the Rainbow will come. This time on Earth is not our ultimate destination. We are just hear for a little while until our chosen time. Every day is a new day and we must treat it that way. One of my favorite poems is Footprints in the Sand.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”

I am so thankful that My God carries me when I am weak and never leaves my side when things are going well. I am thankful for every storm because the storms are what help mold me into the person God wants me to be. Nothing we encounter is unplanned. I quote a phrase very often in my life. "God will never give me more than he knows I can handle." I am thankful for that. He knew the story of my life before I was even thought of by my Earthly mom and dad. I thank Him for the sunshine in my life that is starting to peak out again. And I am thankful that He has always brought me "Through The Rain" and will continue to do so!

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

My Testimony

Okay. So I started trying to share my testimony once before and it seemed to come out a bit wrong. My husband told me I should try to make it more upbeat...lol. So here goes. I was raised in church by my grandmother growing up. I sang more solos than I could count, starred in plays, earned my GA awards, attended church camp, the whole nine yards. I have to thank my mom for this because even though she did not believe in a formal church setting, she believed that I should be given the opportunity to choose for myself so she wanted to at least allow me to see what it was like. At the age of 9, I made the decision to ask My Savior into my heart. I honestly know that I loved going to church but I am not sure I truly understood what this decision meant. My grandmother was a big influence on me. I have many memories of watching her sitting in her chair, reading her Bible and praying. I myself was searching for something and wanted what I saw others have a church. That glow of knowing they were loved and accepted. That being said, I was always the "good daughter", the straight A student, lots of friends, cheerleader, dancer, etc. Unfortunately, my life changed a good deal from this path. You see when I was 12 years old, I became a "cutter". It was something that made me feel when I felt like nothing else did. It was my escape. This pattern continued on for many years but once I found I could control this, I wanted to control more. So at the young age of 14, I became anorexic and bulimic. I felt like my life was out of control and I couldnt stop things that were occurring from happening, but somehow the power of controlling my own body made me feel better. It was never really about being skinny b/c I never saw myself as that. It was the feeling of relief I got when I did it. The power that came with knowing no one else could control this part of me. Obviously, I was going through a lot of emotions at the time and throw in the normal hormones of teenage years and things got much worse before they got better. The first time I tried to take my life I was 15 years old. At this point, no one still knew my secrets and it would be years later that anyone found out about this first attempt. One of the lowest points came when I was 17. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was tired, tired of feeling lost, out of control, unloved, etc. I just wanted it to all end so I drove myself to the Reservoir with 3 bottles of energy diet pills and sat by the water. My friends sensed something b/c they kept calling and I ignored it. I took all of the pills that I had and slipped in and out of conscious. As I was laying there, I remember feeling a lightness and thinking it was almost over but then I felt and heard something. Someone spoke and said "It is not your time yet, go back and I will get you in my time not yours." Just then my phone rang once more, I picked it up not being able to speak and heard my friends voice shouting "Where are you?" I replied "The Reservoir" and slipped back into unconsciousness. The next thing I remember is two friends picking me up and a bright light in the emergency room. The amazing part of this was that anyone who is familiar with the Rez knows that it is huge and there are hundreds of tiny little boat docks to stop at. How they found me can only be explained by someone much bigger than me! I would love to say at this point I saw the light and changed my ways, but I wasnt ready. I was still searching for something to fill the empty void so I continued on my destructive path. At the age of 19, I once again found myself being rushed to the hospital for trying to take my own life. This time though, I didnt want to live because other people wanted me to. This time I wanted to live for me. I wanted to fill that emptiness that I had been trying to fill for so many years. I sat back and finally said, "Okay God. I tried it my way, how bout we try it your way now." It seems so simplistic now that it almost makes me laugh. I was blessed with 2 dear friends, one that became my husband, that stood by me during this very dark time in my life and invited me to church. Through this church, I discovered what was missing in the void I felt. I discovered that the emptiness was easily filled with my love for My Savior. Since this point, I have come to realize so many things. While I have endured difficult times since this acceptance and am sure I will endure more, I have never felt abandoned by My God. I have never felt empty and alone. My faith has gotten me through more than one difficult situation in my life and I am sure it will bring me through many more. I now carry a faith that regardless of my circumstances, my Best Friend will never leave me or forsake me!

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Helping To Lessen The Burden

So I have recently discovered the power of how to open up to other people. I know this does not sound like a novel concept but you see I am a fixer of things. It has always just been what I do. I dont ask for help or depend on others, I just do what needs to be done. SO I guess God looked at me and said "You cant fix it without me." You see I was raised to cover things up, pretend everything was going well, smile through the tears. I kinda figured it had gotten me this far why not continue right? And I cant say that I was taught to be this way, it was just the role I took on. I remember my mom always telling me I worried too much and to talk about my feelings. Always easier said than done. Even at work, my coworkers know me as the always calm and collected one. The one who can have a $3000 order that is lost 2 days before it is set to be delivered and never raise my voice, always remain calm, focused, and work through the problem. It has always just suited me. However, I have been living with a personal secret and trying to hide it for years. While I am not ready to share it to the blogging world yet, we will just say it is something I have struggled to hide, ignore, pretend, and hope that it will just solve itself. Yes, I have been praying. Daily I pray for a change. I pray for a change not only for the situation but a change in me for I deal with resentment, anger, bitterness, and more over the situation but also because I have felt just worn out like I couldnt handle it anymore. However, a few weeks ago I felt that nudging. You know the one that God gives you in that quiet moment you are having with Him? The one that says "Okay here is your sign. You can keep doing what you are doing or you can follow me and trust me." So I finally said "okay God but you know I am scared of this and that...excuses on my end...BUT I will see what happens if I let maybe one person in." So that is exactly what I did. I told my secret. The secret I have been hiding for years and carrying around with me. And my burden became lighter. As I opened up to a few others, the burden seem to grow even smaller. Yes, the problem still exist. Yes, I struggle with it daily BUT I am not alone. I have friends lifting me and the situation up in prayer. It is amazing to me what a difference this has made in my life over the past few weeks. I am so thankful for those ladies that know the situation but so thankful for those that dont too but are still lifting me up in prayer. During a recent church service after I had disclosed a very brief discussion on what was going on to a friend, she stood beside me and cried. WOW! This was not the reaction I had expected. See I never wanted people to feel sorry for me for what I was going through b/c I have always been the strong one, the one who could handle and overcome anything and I was scared of the reaction. What I got was nothing like that. What I received was heartfelt friendship. Loving me, supporting me, praying with me, and feeling my pain. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such amazing friends and awesome church. Thank you for forgiving me of my past mistakes. Thank you for being everything I need you to be in every situation.

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. (Galations 6:2)

My Story

Hello all. After many months of reading blogs, I have felt the overwhelming calling to begin my own. The things I write are me - they have helped mold me into the person I am today. To start off and tell you a bit about myself, I am a Christian wife and mother of 2 wonderful little boys. I am a fulltime marketing consultant for a newspaper as well, trying to juggle the responsibilities of church, wife, mother, and employee which sometimes gets a little caotic. I love my life and would not change it for the world. However, I have been through some very dark places in my life that I was scared I would never come out of. My journey is one of many ups and downs and continues to be that way. However, I live knowing now that my God is truly an awesome God and can and will deliver me to His side. One of my favorite sayings is "God will only give you as much as He knows you can handle" and I firmly believe this is true. My strength has brought me through the rain and when it comes again (because it always does), He will bring me through again.